The Free Dog Story

Introduction

Talking about Open Source database systems, IBM's Vicki Martin (Senior Marketing Manager, IBM Software Group) presented this metaphore to his audience:

Reading yet another bad metaphore from people trying to spread FUD about FOSS (Free and Open Source Software) products, I just felt resigned and started to wonder whether people don't really understand or if they just want to misguide the audience.

Was the metaphore about dogs and freedom, or was it about cost? The word "free" is used (or misused) in both meanings, and I often experience challenges finding out what people actually mean when using the word about Free Software.

"How many of you can say the dog is truly free?" Marting asks, and I guess most people will nod having a picture in mind of a man with a dog at leash. The leash is the symbol of slavery, not freedom. The dog isn't free.
If you, however, ask people if they think the birds outside on the sky are truly free, then I believe most would say yes. "Free as a bird."

After thinking this over for a while, I decided to write a different story about the free dogs. A story explaining for the audience what the word "free" really means and why freedom actually has some value. And the question might as well be rephrased: "Are the dog's owners free?"
To illustrate what I mean with this question, I will tell you about my latest two dogs. I hope the story lights up a few aspects to the free dogs that Vicky Marting discusses.

The story

-- Open Source databases and the truth about Free Dogs

We've had 3 dogs in my family. The first one was a kind cocker spaniel that died from what we believed was cancer. Nearly two years past by, and then the discussion came up again whether we could have a new puppy. The discussion went on as usual, and after a while the family members agreed that we wanted a dog that was kind to all people, didn't bark or shed too much, and that was strong and quick enough to hang on when we were going skiing or running in the woods.

I read adverts in different papers and dog magazines, called around and studied a couple of puppies. Finally I ended up with two candidates.

The first one was a slim English Setter from a local family that would give her away because they'd gotten too many puppies. The dog didn't have a formal pedigree with well known ancestors, but it was healthy and happy, and the people said it was a quick learner and a loving family member.

The second one was a stronger Vorster from a breeder that was a member in the IDN (International Dog Network). The guys up there showed me the genealogical and the vaccination tables and told me that the dog was really quick, strong and rock solid. The price for this dog was $500.

To be honest, I couldn't decide. The formal documentation was a lot better for the dog from IDN (his name was Dog/2) while there was some human touch over the happy English Setter (which was named PostGet because he was just crazy about running after the postman). The children loved both the puppies, and the $500 price of the dog didn't really seem too much after all.

So....we ended up taking both the dogs!

Everything started out quite happily. The dogs found their places in the family life and they enjoyed each other's company. Both ate the same food, and both were equally eager to learn. The dogs didn't know that one of them cost $500 whereas the other cost nothing, and dogs don't really care about money. In the family, both had the same value.

So, the first thing, which disturbed the happy balance in our family was a letter from the local department of IDN. The letter contained an invoice for annual membership in the association, which was 18% of the price for my dog. Well, I didn't really understand why I should pay $90 a year to be a member, so I called them to ask. I was told that it was mandatory to be a member as long as I owned a dog bought from an IDN breeder. The lady sounded like she was used to explain this, and she told me I would be entitled to come to club evenings and to get telephone help if I had trouble with my dog. She could also tell me that if I took my pet to a veterinary outside the IDN, any warranties would be immediately voided.

Well, as a member of the IDN, I thought it made sense to utilize their facilities, so when the time came up for my dogs to have their next vaccinas, I took both to the IDN veterinary. After all, one of them had to go there anyway.

The vet was a senior man with a natural hand with dogs, and he obviously knew his work. However, he told me, he could only treat the dog that was bought from IDN. Because of associaton rules he was not allowed to give my other dog the syringe, so I would have to take him to another pet doctor.

"These IDN people are sure strange", I thought, but drove off to the people who gave us PostGet. I knew she was a vet and would probably do it for me.

She greeted both me and the dog, happy to se her again. The job was over in a minute, and I gave her $20 eventhough she said I didn't have to. "You need a living as well. You can't both give me the dog and then add free services for years" I told her, thinking it was funny that I had to convince her about this while I'd just paid $40 for the vaccina at IDN where the dog also had it's price.

A couple of weeks later we received an offer from IDN to attend to a training session. The subject was dog's psychology and how to train the dogs, and my wife thought it was a good idea that she brought our oldest daughter to the training. So she posted the enrolment leaflet and was surprised to be called back already the next day.

The guy that called back, however, didn't want to discuss the training session. He startet out asking whether we were an entire family sharing the responsibility for the dog. My wife - astonished by the question - answered yes, that our family consisted of 2 grown-ups, a teen-age girl, a 11yo boy, one English Setter and this Vorster. What took part the next 5 minutes of the phone conversation, my wife wasn't able to recapture for me, but the essence in the message from IDN was that I had bought the dog for myself, and that it wasn't free for just anybody to walk the dog, play with it or teach the dog new tricks. If Dog/2 was to pick up the paper for anybody else but me, then we'd have to pay an additional fee "per user".

At this time I was so shocked I didn't know if this was a hidden camera joke or something like that. The $500 I had paid for the dog in the first place turned out to be a small amount compared to all the other nonsense I had to pay for, but the money was not the worst: Our freedom was continuously demanded and collected by some subtle dog breeder's organisation. I praised the good family that gave us the English Setter and reminded myself that we should write them a Christmas card with a picture of the happy dog in it's new home.

Anyway, at this point I thought it couldn't get any worse with IDN, and when we decided to move over to the other side of the city, I deliberately failed to inform them about our new address.

It was a terrible mistake.

Of course, the IDN found the new address, and when they found out, I wasn't sure if I or the IDN was the one going completely mad. It turned out that our house wasn't exactly like the old one. Surprise!

Some of you might already have guessed it, but the point was that the IDN had sold me this dog for living in an ordinary, small, semi-detached house in the suburban where we used to live, not in a really detached house with a big garden like this. The guy, who came visiting us said it like this:

"Your old home was an ordinary housing unit with only 1 bathroom and ordinary windows. This one is made to serve far more than a family, it has 2 bathrooms and a full virtual garage integrated in the basement."

The guy studied the superstructure of the house and the brick-work in the basement section before he continued: "To be honest with you, the entire house seems like it's been built on a single main frame in the bootom."

I asked what this had to do with the dog, but there was lots of obvious reasons that a dog should cost more in a 2-bathroom house than in an ordinary flat.

Finally, I had to realize that I would never going to get rid of the IDN people as long as I kept this dog. They would keep show up with new ideas and new invoices, and the price counted in USD wasn't the worst of it. The worst was that I would never get peace of mind, because everytime I looked at Dog/2 I had to think of these worries again.

So, finally - it was really sad - after a year and a half we delivered Dog/2 back hoping that he'll get another nice home where he will be happy.

PostGet is living happily with us still and she hasn't brought us neither unexpected costs nor worries. The people who gave her to us answered to my Christmas card and told my that they would have a new hatch of puppies in a couple of months. Maybe we'll find a new friend for PostGet. A friend like here, that is predictable, stable, quick and loyal. A dog that can be a trusted family member even if we have to move, if we get another family member to walk her or something else changes in the family situation.

Epilogue

It's not very likely that Vicky Martin will ever read this story. It's sad, however, that the audience are misguided by bad metaphores that give the impression that FOSS products promise you lunches for free the rest of your life.

People that work with open source software does actually understand that the vet has to get paid doing his work. They also understand that somebody producing dog food, needs to get paid doing that. All dogs need food.

The point is that if you stick with the free dogs, you won't have to pay up front. You can see how much food the dog needs, and you can take it to the vet when it needs it. You don't need to be a member of an association if you don't want to. You can go to any of the vets in your town - the cheapest or the one with the best service. You can let your friend borrow your dog for his hunting. It doesn't cost anything even though you share your dog with your friends. You can move into a larger house, or you can even let your dog watch your neighbours' houses. It doesn't cost anything extra.

In summary: If your dog is a success-story, you don't have to pay more for that.

This is freedom. And it is also saved money most of the time.